What If I Settled Down…?
I love this Congregation. In fact, I love it so much that I’m considering getting t-shirts made.
One of my favorite aspects of Project Conversion is how the community nourishes one another. This initiative has even motivated Congregation members like Lauren Elizabeth and Niki Whiting to begin their own quests, and I could not be more proud of their decision. Be sure to check them out.
Another one of our brethren, who goes by the name Editor B, has also caught the exploration fever. In one of his recent blog posts, he mentions a fascination and connection with my self-imposed status as a “spiritual rogue.”
I’ve always taken this title for granted, until recently.
99.9% of all comments received by this site are positive and inspiring. Scouts honor. In fact, it’s creepy how happy Project Conversion makes people. But there is one gentleman–we’ll call him Joe–who, since the beginning, contacts me every couple of weeks. He’s a Christian who belongs to a church not too far from my home and he has one thing on his mind in every email…
The fate of my eternal soul.
“Joe” says he prays for me tirelessly, and not only him, but his whole church. I’ve received emails from the church leadership as well. Each message usually bears a challenge of some sort regarding Project Conversion: Why I’m doing it? Am I searching for truth? When will I recognize Jesus as truth? What are my theological positions? Do I think I’ll ever find peace?
The list goes on. Most of the time I answer with something funny or ambiguous. For example, I might recognize Jesus as truth once I get to that month! Get it?
Seriously though, I appreciate the prayers of “Joe” and his church, however “Joe’s” request to spiritually settle down and my shared conflict/pleasure with Editor B’s spiritual rogue status got me thinking…
What if I settled down? Not at the end of Project Conversion, but right now?
Sorry, I never get enough of that video.
The temptation to settle down is ever-present. What’s strange about this concept is that I didn’t start this journey for personal reasons. I wasn’t a spiritual person. In fact, I was on the verge of hating religion. Meeting all of the wonderful folks involved with Project Conversion pulled me out of that brooding malice and watered a love for faith long dormant.
Now that I’m a rogue–a spiritual tramp–I have the opportunity to sow the oats of my renewed curiosity. Some months have nearly ended my “whoring” days of promiscuity, but I’ve resisted temptation and soldiered on. The conflict doesn’t escape me, especially during this month of limbo when I have no one to flirt with, no lover to keep me warm for 30 days and tempt me to stay “just one more night…”
Such is love.
Will the game ever end for me? And let’s suppose there is a God(s). If God made me in this way, am I meant to settle down? I don’t know, but every time I’m tempted to stay and call Project Conversion quits, something a little stronger nudges me out the door.
I recently revisited one of my favorite books, The Last Temptation of Christ, in which Satan says to Jesus “There is but one woman in the world, but she has many faces.” I’m paraphrasing of course, but Satan’s remark harkens back to my time with Hinduism where I read in the Rig Veda that “Truth is one, but the wise call it many names.”
In the end, Lady Faith is a wiley one, and always gets her prize. For as long as I am in the arms of one faith, I am in the arms of the divine and therefore, all.
One woman, with many faces.
As for you “Joe,” don’t hate the player, or the game. If you are reading this post, I hope this answers your prayers. God truly moves with alluring curves and in mysterious ways.